Random question from my profile...

So... The question was "The children are waiting! Tell them the story of the bald frog with the wig."

As it turns out, I was supposed to keep it under 400 characters... my answer was way too long, but it made me giggle. Especially because I typed it all up on my phone. I'm rather proud of how quickly and ridiculously it spewed out. So I went into GIMP and whipped up a couple shitty illustrations to add to it. And now it is here, presented in its entirety:

The Bald Frog

Once upon a time there was a frog who realized he had no hair. He looked at all his froggy friends and saw that none of them had any hair either. He looked at the people that fished at his pond, the deer and bunnies that drank at his pond, and saw that they all had hair. He began to grow jealous, thinking that the people and deer and bunnies thought frogs to be lesser, balder creatures.

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He fashioned a wig from the nearby vegetation. But the other frogs mocked him viciously.Removing the wig, he silently vowed to obliterate all haired life.

For if everyone's bald, no one is.

The frog sequestered himself inside his lilypad laboratory and began work on the weapon which would destroy all hair on earth.

He worked and worked.

He skipped meals and sleep. So much so, that he became emaciated, skeletal, with only the baleful fire behind his eyes to propel him forward through his dark task. And finally, one day, it was complete.

He had his weapon.

A virus that would target only haired creatures and subject them to a horrible, but quick death. The frog released the virus and then slept. The frog slept for three days, oblivious to the fact that his virus, his creation, had mutated. It was now killing all life indiscriminately.

When the frog finally awoke, unaffected by the plague, he was alone. His terrible victory was far more complete than he'd dreamt.

At long last, unable to cope with the boredom, the loneliness, and the rotting carcasses of insects he was forced to subsist on, the frog fashioned a rope from some dead grass and, looking out at the barren wasteland, hung himself from the dead branch of a plague-felled tree.

As he closed his eyes against the pressure stealing his breath and kicked his legs for the last time, all life passed forever from this world.

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